Crying

Has become the only way I can judge whether I have enjoyed a film or not these days.

Either from stirring emotions within, or just crying with laughter.

Anyway, I think it's a pretty nifty gauge, yes?

I mean, Juno made me cry.

Amélie made me cry.

Edward Scissorhands, Brokeback Mountain...

I just love them all.

Today, I woke up. Good start Haze, good start. I looked in the mirror and my hair was doing what I wanted it too. Again, good start! I went and got a teacake and toasted it for breakfast. Yummy start. Had some SCOLDING HOT TEA. Not such a good start, but can't go wrong with tea for me. I sat at the table, and talked to Mum, which I think pleasantly surprised her, so I felt good about that. (note to self, start using more adjectives Haze, "good" is lame. You're turning into Meyer here!)

Dad had already gone to school for, what I like to call, "the torture day" where Year 11's have to go in and catch up on their tech coursework. MUHAHHA. Oh poop, I should have done mine. OOPS. I don't have tomorrow to do it either. PANTS. I will have to do it sharpish when I get back on Wednesday. ANYHOOOO!

I got dressed like this and took the pictures. I came back inside, painted my nails and listened to my varied Spotify playlist. I then popped over to the Library, and my nails dried even more because it was VAIR NIPPY NOODLES outside! I returned my books and requested the "Birdsong" audio book. The embarrassed man didn't look too embarrassed for once. (Note, Mum has just put SuBo's album on, I can hear it, and I am not going to block it out...judge me?)

So, I got home and was fierce cold! Thinking logically, I stuck the kettle on and made myself a warm Vimto. OH YEAH! Then I sat and watched "Click" as part of the Adam Sandler Season on CH5. It made me cry. It's a cracking film, good balance. Yes, only good. I mean, I don't really like Adam Sandler that much, so that's probably why.

Mum came home, and she'd bought "Up".

Oh my goodness.

If you do not enjoy or cry at that film; you are not human.

It was as close as perfect can come to a film for me. Wait, that doesn't make sense.

It had a perfect balance of sadness, fun, BIG BELLY LAUGHS, and just life affirming-ness to make me just look at Mum whilst watching it and know that she was thinking what I was thinking.

Gosh, I love the people at Pixar.

In conclusion, I've spent my day crying.

I was even having a really good face day! I put on blusher and everything, because my face had gone a really funny colour overnight, believe it or not. Miraculously, I put on waterproof mascara this morning. PHEWF.

I'm going to a disco this evening with Helen and Denise and all of the lovely Guide folk of Darlington.

It's gonna be bangin' man.

I wanted to talk more about "Up", but all I'm saying now is...

GET IT SEEN.

Lift up your hearts.

My nails are like the colour of graphite. They're beautiful.

Tatty bye,

Haze

Sorrow and solitude

I am spending today in splendid isolation.
And writing about my day before it is over, so I can pour thoughts out instead of events.


I am not sorrowful today by the way, but if I watch a sad film later, I suppose I will be.


Today, lo and behold, is Valentine's Day.
I just can't be arsed.
I never have been, and I can't honestly foresee a future where I ever will be.
If you really love someone, you'd tell them everyday of the year, yes?
Fair enough, it's cute to wake up and find that my Dad had spend last night cutting out neon orange (I don't get that bit, maybe there was no red, but :P) hearts and laying them from the doorway of the bedroom through the hall, living room and into the kitchen, even on the edges of the drawers up to the bench where a card sat for my Mum with a pattern of RED hearts that followed the path he had laid out.
It was really sweet.

And I'd like that sort of gesture, it's just enough.
And it's enough for me to know that my parent's just don't do the whole "ZOMG IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY" thing, they're just quite happy that it's a Sunday that they get to spend together without having to go to school tomorrow I think. The fact that they care about each other is enough to make me happy today. Mum couldn't even do the Goodoku in the Big Issue apparently. LOL.

We were going to go and see Avatar today. I even washed my hair and got dressed like this to go out and everything. Then I went to brush my teeth and it hit me that it's incredibly sad to go to the cinema with my parents on this freaking day of the year. But then Mum decided we weren't going, there aren't any tickets.

So, I'm going to tidy up, listen to Mika and Owl City, and get FREAKING EXCITED!
Oh and finish the final book in the Confessions of Georgia Nicholson series. I have read 189 pages already, in like...two hours. NO EXAGGERATION!

I feel quite content today, I'm happy being single.
It's just...liberating.


Tatty bye,
Haze


p.s. this is my 70th post!
O__________.

Walking alone

gives me far too much time and space to just think about things. I mean, my battery had run out right in the middle of "Dental Care" by Owl City in second study today, and I was just really like HUREHRHRRRRR about that. But walking home in the slightly bitter air this evening just opened my eyes.
(AHEYRHFFH ARGH AS IF I HAVE JUST HAD TO ANSWER THE PHONE 4 TIMES IN THE LAST 10 MINUTES! ARGH MY SHIN HURTS).
So, walking home in the like, silence, makes me think of all of these "what ifs" and it drives me crazy.

I mean, I saw two people with hoods up and really malcontent expressions on their faces, and I just smiled at them. The first was this slightly bohemian looking boy, well man, I would've said maybe 19? and he just averted his eyes away from mine when I smiled, with both my eyes and my mouth, because I'm generous like that.

OH MY GOODNESS RIGHT
I just sat on the phone for another 10 minutes to my Mum's sister. She is having a hard time teaching. And as soon as I sat down to keep typing with this post, Mum arrived at the door with our tea of fish and chips.
I'm currently sitting with a cup of tea watching my TSR video load up onto youtube.
And listening to Ellie Goulding and Erik Hassle singing "Be Mine". And falling in love. Totally.

So, the second person was this...well she was a chav. I'm not going to beat around the bush. But I flashed a really genuine smile, and she was like "WHUUUUUUUUUUUT?" It was actually hilarious. You know in films when you see people's reactions after they walk past other people? And I just beamed, rather like, insanely. But it was COOL. I FELT SO COOL. And like, maybe that girl might have thought "WTF IS SHE JUDGING ME?" (yeah, like she would've thought something like that...but I keep this blog CLEAN dudes, clean as a whistle...that needs cleaning) but she was like O_.

Oh well, you win some, you loose some.


I really fancy going bowling/ice skating on Saturday. I feel a certain amount of freedom ahead this week. Like, being able to walk into town, get falafel, meet my friends, maybe even new people, and just feel...confident and renewed.
I feel that this blog has lost its direction now. UPSET :(

Elizabeth rang at lunch time, and James filmed me whilst she did so.
You'll see the results soon I hope, hehehehe it was really funny!

So, I'm off to see Bugsy Malone tonight at the Hermatige (which is a school near to where Frangipane lives) and I'm excited because I haven't seen it in ages, and I love it when the parts are given to actual young people who can play them properly and the splurge guns are like :D
That was a RUBBISH DESCRIPTION HAZEL.
Anyway, I'm a big ol' fan of am dram, and hopefully a good audience member, so YAY.





NOOOOOOOOOOO!
HOW CAN J-BEED DO THIS TO US?
I JUST DIED INSIDE.

Tatty bye,
Haze

I fell asleep on crack

The Crack, the magazine. Honestly.
Now, as a sort of meme, this is what made made my day today:


"advantages and disadvantages of botanical garden
hi im a studen who badly need your help. i need to know all advantages and disadvantages of a botanical garden. pls help me finish my paper work. tnx


Posts: 2,396
Hmm? I suggest you read through the forums to try to determine the answers to that question yourself. I think it will be best if you present your own ideas in your assignment.
__________________
Eric La Fountaine
Forums Administrator"


BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Now, I found this, searching for an answer too. And I just admire how frank the admin was with this person. Firm, but fair. I guess they should find and present their own ideas in their assignment, but that's not helping me, is it? >.<

Oh dear.
Ben Folds' music is so LOVELY! It's helped me do...some work today. I set out at 10 o'clock to do it ALL today. We all knew it wasn't going to happen.
I passed 1010 tweets on Twitter. BOOM.
Also, I found a beautiful phone which I would very much like for my birthday.
It's the flat version of the Sony Ericsson Hazel(tm). WOW!
I KNOW!
I saw it and though WOWZ. ACTUALLY PERFECT.

However, it has so many features that are like "Wow, that's useful...or unnecessary, but still cool", and made me realise how much I do actually need to dis-attach myself from...like the internet. And constant connection with people. Hence, probably why I've cherished and used my phone properly and not felt the need to nag for an upgrade for the past 3, coming up to 4 years. But now, I think I would like something not as battered, and just...new. Don't get me wrong, I adore my current Margi. She keeps me in the loop just enough, and keeps me out of it just enough too. I'm scared that if I *do* get a new phone, I'd just be GLUED to it. I really don't want that. I need to just be alone sometimes. We all do. I'm not a lonely person, but we do just need to get away from technology sometimes. For me, this need is becoming stronger, but my willingness to actually do so is considerably lacking.

Talking to Ashley is lovely.


I need to finish this Effington (ah Ben Folds <3) Biology work and...everything else.

OH! TOMORROW IS MONDAY! YAY!

Tatty bye,
Haze

"My sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me I love you"

That has made my day.

I also realise, I say that far too often. I'm increasingly aware that I try and judge my days by seeing if I've said that at any point during the day. I've figured out that if I haven't...it's been a rubbish day. End. Of.

Now, I'm not too much of a fan of Physics, and most of the time, I just don't have the patience to want to understand it, but I appreciate it's complexity alright. But this makes me go :D

"As I approach you at near the speed of light, I hope I can experience the time dilation of seeing you for eternity."

I mean, you can't really get better than these nerdy lines, can you?
Oh, and yeah, this one *actually* got used on me.

"You have 206 bones in your body, do you want another one?"

I'm not ashamed (well I am actually, just a little bit, but really not enough for it to constitute as lying) to say that it actually made me go "Aw. He's cute."
Is there something wrong with me? Because, looking back, it's actually probably the creepiest one there is out there. BUT YOU KNOW NOTHING OF ITS CONTEXT MUHAHAHAHAHAHA, SO THERE.

So, today was quite busy. I woke myself up with Revenge On The Radio at 8 o'clock. I didn't get out of bed until about half past. It was quiiiite alright! I then jumped straight in the shower, and washed my hair. GAH.
Then, I had the crusts of the loaf with nutella and peanut butter, as a sandwich. Man, I felt like I was living the high life! (Is it *really* Nutella day? WOW IF IT IS!) Then, I got ready and stuff. And by stuff, I mean actually procrastinating enough to not have any time to salvage the hair or actually put any make up on. On the plus side, when I was at Band (which is where I was getting ready to go, fairly self explanatory Haze, your intelligent readers will CLEARLY UNDERSTAND *facepaml*) I was able to rub my eyes as much as I wanted to because I had NO MAKE UP ON AND I WAS TIRED. BOOM. We played Les Mis. I got the tingleies and smiled. It was really rather lovely. Then I came home a little bit earlier than ordinary, and had some soup, washed my face, put some eyeliner and mascara on, marvelled at actually how long my eyelashes have become...WOW, and then packed up some stuff, and got in the car.
That reminds me, I have a copy of The Crack to finish. I actually LOVE that magazine. It's just perfect for...well me. HEHE.

So, we went to pick Philippa up (Helen called her Phil today, it made me think of someone. Yes, the someone who used the chat up line) and then drove to Allie's house in Darlington for a meeting about Canada. I'm really excited now! We spent about half an hour choosing colours for Hoodies and polo shirts...we decided on Purple and Red. That way round in correspondence to the hoodies and shirts.
(Side note, I just rubbed my eye and now there is glitter in it, despite JUST writing about having MAKE UP ON MY EYES AAJNHSJSNDKSDK >FAIL<)
So the meeting overran abit, but it was actually really cool. Everything's booked now. And I mean everything. WOWZZZZERZZ!

So when I got home, I checked my emailios and stuff, and sat with Ben Fold's University Accapella album on le Spotify and finished The Catcher in the Rye. And I mean wow. What an intriguing book. I do feel slightly lost having finished it now.
Really rather sad too about J.D.Salinger now.

However, I'm going to go and read my previously mentioned copy of The Crack, and source some new art and music to go and, you know, be cultured visiting/witnessing, and just feel... hopeful.

Tatty bye,
Haze

Only one pair of tights

And it’s bitterly cold outside today. I’ve decided to go for the slightly more badass Dr. Marten boots today, and get this, a Monday skirt. This way, I can feel lady like, look kind of in fashion with somewhat of a high waist, and be able to walk into town without toppling over (see last Monday)…hopefully.
And James shall be in, so I shall not be alone in my… journey. It’s his Birthday tomorrow. I got him something amazing. And I shall bake this evening, and make a card and whatnot. And revise over psychology too. And probably leave MSN and Skype signed in, so it looks like I’m just sitting there…watching. But in fact, I will be using Myspace, LOL’ing, and laughing at actually how silly Facebook is.
I would like to apologise for my last blog, I just felt like it needed to be said. I always feel like I’m bearing too many burdens, and I prefer to just write it all down to be quite honest with you. That’s right, I’m being honest with you. Which is more than can be said for some people. Man, they really get a bang out of lying.

Catcher in the Rye anyone? I’m really enjoying reading it with a critical, but still open eye.
I’m going to plug into my really over played “Lush” playlist now, and get over the initial, spitting anger of this morning. Seriously, I was spitting like an RSC member performing in the grittiest scene of Macbeth, which is not Act 3 Scene 4, which is the only scene I have studied in depth.
Having said that, I’m just really excited for the rest of my life.
I was very anxious last night, I didn’t get to sleep too well. I even tried to go to bed so early, that I wasn’t even tired, which really didn’t help. I think I just got so wound up in my own thoughts and worries, that it just didn’t make sense anymore. My imagination was way too vivid. I think I need to stop worrying about the bad in people, and accept that people are inherently good. People’s true nature will show when they realise that everything is good, and bitter people do not always win.

-
Hello, it is now Wednesday morning, and I have a lot of things to report!
My Biology test… I got 52%! Considering Mr. Robertson actually told us that anything over 50 was really well done because it was a really difficult test made me feel a little bit better about my D. Anyway, that was Monday. My bus journey made me smile, but not as much. I spent a lot of time just sitting and wondering on Monday. And Alice tried to ring me during my piano lesson, so that was a MASSIVE fail. It was more like “KEEP PLAYING HAZEL SO SHE WON’T HEAR THE METALLIC THRUMMING IN YOUR POCKET”. Woah, that made it sound like I had a TARDIS in my pocket ahahaha I WISH. So, Monday night was weird. Although, I did make an AMAZING cake, and before hand, had pesto and scrambled eggs for tea. YUMMETY YUM YUM.
I then caught up on the internet and read myself to sleep. It was quite cushty actually. THEN LO AND BEHOLD, TUESDAY. THE DAY OF DOOM. (I actually typed FOOM by accident, what an odd looking word!)

English was AMAZING. Biology was a drag. Psychology was a JOKE! SHE CANNOT CALCULATE MEAN AVERAGES! I MEAN, COME ON!!! There were some MAJOR headdesk moments, I am not kidding. I mean, why would I kid you? This is “I’mnotgoingtolietoyou” after all :P
Then, it was time for INTERHOUSE NETBALL! Which, was an absolute SHAMBLES/FARCE/RIDDUCLE/JUST PLAINLY WRONG. We had a four person team. Standard netball team in SEVEN. SEVVVENNN!!! For goodness’ sake! So, I was Goal Defence, Annelisa was Goal Attack, Sophie was Center, and Charlotte was Wing Defence. It was catastrophic. Mainly because I can’t catch, but caught it everytime it came through the net after the other team had scored. FAIL. Still, we came *joint* last, so it wasn’t all bad.
Then I came home, had a VERY quick shower, some soup and dashed off to Cadets. Whereupon Rosie and I made them run around and do press ups before they could have their tuck. My, my how we laughed.
OH POOP, GOT TO RUN! Quite literally, and hand this Biology in! I shall return to this draft in about…12 hours. Oh bum. Quite literally.

-
ARGH!
So, besides this being a terribly drafted blog, and actually 24 hours on from when I last had this open, it's completely out of sequence BLAH BLAHH! IT’S NOW THURSDAY. I did that presentation work last night on Gatsby and it got finished in time, eceteraaa!
Facebook chat keeps popping. I made my TSR video...FAIL.

I feel like things are coming together.

Tomorrow, I’m going to Clarinetix. I can’t wait :D


I have hope.




Tatty bye,
Haze

Strike up the band

Make the fireflies dance, silver moon's sparkling G Gsus G .........So kiss me

Hello. What a lovely song. Arranged for the Ukulele there.
It's made me smile this weekend.
But a lot of things this morning have made my head hurt, and for bad reasons.
I spent last night talking to Marissa and Alice about things from the past that have plagued me, and I decided to act on it, and send a sincere message to an old "friend.
It turned out, that my sincerity was lost on her hypocrisy, and in retrospect, neither of us can really remember what happened accurately because anger played a part in our changing of ways, as well as distance and time.
And new friends, old friends, acquaintances and jealous beings all played their parts, maliciously and to a point where I gave up.
I am saying now, that I have given up.
It's her loss, not mine.
As she said, she gave up ages ago, and it's all in the past.

I'm moving on, and do you know what? Despite the bitchyness, I do actually feel relieved.
But there is another burden I bear, and that is the fact of this new...boy that I think I like.
She will talk to him about me.
My rock in this whole, now rather blown out of proportion situation, is Alice.
She knows what she's like, and I just pray that she can mediate for me. To him, and to her if necessary.

It's hit me pretty hard how much I've changed over this period of three years. I've grown up, and I can see it for once that I made some big decisions, and coming down hard on them now, I've certainly grown from them.

I also read back my entire myspace inbox today, with messages from 2006.
Man, I went through some myspace TRAUMA. And my best friends stuck with me through it all.

Hooray!
I'm going to play my ordinary clarinet (not the now fixed Bass, that is for Friday!) and my piano, and then stick some Regina Spektor and AFI on.
Yeah.
Then read some Gatsby and write some more letters.

Life isn't too bad, it just was kind of hard today.
It could be worse.

Tatty bye,
Haze