I don't do sadness

Yes, it has been a long while since I last wrote a blog.

This has been due to a few things.

Mainly, not having a spare hour to dedicate to thinking and writing, and then the added complication of having diddly squat interesting things to talk about.

This weekend... these things have evidently changed, allowing me to, y'know, talk at you through this blog.

I've had a really lovely two days. It's been one of those weekends (so far) where I have been able to think. It's also been one of those "eye opening" weekends.

Basically, I have found out that I really can't BUY things. I'm such a bad shopper.

I went into Boots today, to buy a drink and some hair product, because I was craving both, not of equal need, but still. Boots was there, I was there, the items were there. I had some LEGAL TENDER to spend, and the time was right. I picked out the only pot of blue hair putty, and some still Vimto (I don't think I could have handled the intense bubbles they somehow pack into the fizzy stuff) and headed to the counter. Now, at this point, please consider I was not empty handed to begin with. I had been to band in the morning, and carried my Clarinet with me into town, as Mum and Dad (who usually pick me up and I am allowed to leave it in the car) were dropping Liz back to Lancs-land with a car full of her living equipment. So yes, I had a Clarinet in one hand, a bag over my shoulder, and a bottle and a pot in the other hand. I then had to negotiate removing my purse from my bag, in the queue. I managed, just. Then I was able to free up a paying hand by handing the items over to the cashier, and then fumbled around for my tender. The woman then struck me. No, not literally, we don't have violent cashiers in Boots here. Well, as far as I'm aware. Ross quit his job. ANYWAY!

The woman said "Do you know these are on two for one?" and shook the pot of blue gloop at me. I was dumbfounded. Words were not escaping my lips. I was still holding my Clarinet. I genuinely didn't know what to do. I looked around, and Rachel wasn't there. Oh, I probably should have mentioned that I wasn't alone in this, Rachel had wandered into Boots with me, she had just left me in the queue to look at make-up, and expected me to, well, you know, be responsible enough to manage a simple situation. It didn't happen.

So, I was faced with a question. I managed to speak an "Oh, right" and then an awkward pause followed. I pulled the "I KNOW I SHOULD BE ANSWERING BUT THIS IS PHYSICALLY DEBILITATING ME " face, and stammered; "I'll just go and have a look then", and winced, producing a sort of smile. The woman then said "I can go and get one for you if you like :)" and I just went "ehakALDAKJF Oh it's ok, I'll go and pick a colour" and proceeded to fetch myself some purple hair spray. That got scanned and I was still carrying my Clarinet and purse. I was then faced with paying for these goods. Whenever I have to pay for anything, I always worry that I don't have enough money. That at some point, I have lost all of the money I have checked to see if I have, and that because I get flustered easily, that I'll mess up paying, and the cashier will be like "Why is this girl paying with a lump of blu-tak and some pills?"

So, I was worrying about money, and I saw the price flash up on the little screen, and it said "£5.61" and I had £5 between my fingertips.

"IT'S NOT ENOUGH" my head screamed, "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!"

Rather coolly, I whipped out a crisp £10 note, and let it be.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT HAZEL?" my head said back to me, "YOU'RE GOING TO BE OVERLOADED WITH CHANGE NOW!"

The reason why I didn't hand over my £5 note and a pound coin in the first place was because I was concerned that I wouldn't have enough money for the bus. Which was silly, because I clearly DID have enough money, I just got all flustered by the woman's question, and my free item and being in Boots and having to find Rachel afterwards, and I still had my Clarinet.

The woman gave me my change and a receipt and then asked me if I wanted a bag. Now, a bag would have been ideal really, but no, I said "I don't need one, thanks" because I'll pollute the environment using a bag. So I grabbed my items, and made sure I had my Clarinet and purse, and headed out of the cashier range to find Rachel. She was waiting for me, and I crouched down to try and ram the items in my handbag, and ended up carrying my bottle of Vimto and my Clarinet, safely, without the aid of a carrier bag.

SUCCESS!

No, I was not allowed to succeed of course, this was me. Since my hands were full, I had to open my bottle with one hand, and the top of the bottle between my arm and chest. I then drank from it with the lid off until I was able to put my Clarinet down and use TWO hands to put the lid back on without sloshing it down myself.

It sounds like an ordeal, and I did just deal with it, but looked really silly whilst doing so.

You can only imagine what it must have looked like. Yes, fairly ordinary, but clumsy nonetheless.

That's pretty much all that happened yesterday, apart from watching Merlin and editing a video.

I'm listening to the soundtrack from Spring Awakening.

It's FANTASTIC.

I went to see it on Friday with one of my best friends Francesca and it was truly amazing. Such talent, and such a stark performance.

Yeah, naked bums.

GIGGLE, but it was hard-hitting.

I'd love to work in theatre, whether acting or helping to produce and direct.

We've all got to have a dream.

I dream of being able to buy things without worrying so much.

Amongst other things.

Maybe I'll save those for another day, when you haven't already been bombarded with a load of weird already floating around in my head.

Tatty bye,

Haze