I wish I was an Owl.

Today, I had a lonely day, but not for long.

On Friday, I spent the day on a coach, travelling to and from London. We went to see Birdsong on the West End, starring Ben Barnes, and it was rather fantastic. I wasn't totally convinced at the start, but I guess it's hard to begin such a play without being...stilted.

The theatre experience itself was something different... i.e. we met and awfully rude woman and Laura had an allergic reaction and I became a misanthrope.

We got back to school at 4:00 a.m.

Bed for 4:30.a.m (brushing teeth, removing make-up and constricting high-waisted skirts)

Awake at 10:30 because Mother knocked and asked if I wanted to book tickets for 19th November... FOR HARRY POTTER. Silly question, even when I was lying on 6 hours of jumbled up coach sleep. With that booked and dusted, I went back to sleep for an hour or so, and woke back up again when the Mother entered once again to tell me that she was going to go and see Made In Dagenham with Dad and I was being left alone for the day.

Still, I had my own plans, so everything was fine.

I roused from bed, washed my face and made some scrambled egg on toast. Just the one egg, I wasn't feeling that adventurous. I watched some of BBC Switch, and saw that Jimmy is now presenting it properly, and that made me smile. I then went about checking my emails and trying to watch the new episode of Glee, but it's nowhere to be found...

I got dressed after my shower and dried my hair, giving up after 10 minutes. It's such a horrible length. I don't want it cutting, and I do want to grow it, but gosh, it's such a MESS.

A trim of the fringe is in order.

Once I was ready to go out, I closed to windows and the inside doors, and went to check my bag. No keys.

Table? NO KEYS.

Rucksack? NO KEYS.

Floor? WHERE ARE MY KEYS?

Coat? SERIOUSLY, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU CHEEKY LITTLE KEYS!?!

Bag from Cadets?

GET IN MY HAND, IN THE LOCK AND OUT OF THE HOUSE.

I saw the bus go past me as I walked, listening to The Arctic Monkeys.

Still, the next one arrived early, and all was well.

I met Ira outside the Gala, bought tickets for "

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole"

and ventured off in the direction of food. We went to La Tasca for tapas, and I had some chicken and prawn paella, mushrooms and fried potatoes, all for £7.50. Deal.

Over the road from La Tasca is a new little shop called "Wild and Funk" and it was so beautiful inside. However, we both decided the name was a little bit abrupt, and should be called "Wild and Funky" but, hey ho, it was next to Jack Wills.

I bought Alice a present from there, and got a little white bag for it :)

Then, we saw our film.

It was beyond adorable, such a poignant storyline, and many lovely quotes to be taken away in my head. Also, I did a little chair happy dance when the soundtrack by Owl City graced my ears. Beautiful.

I think I shall ask for the CD soundtrack for Christmas, it's gorgeous.

I'm feeling rather happy now, Merlin's about to be on.

I might go and fetch some sort of snack-y-type food, but I'm feeling rather warm and tired, and Bradley James' face is too lovely to leave this chair.

Tatty bye,

Haze

p.s. THE TRAILERS IN THE CINEMA ARE THA BEST EVAAAAAAAAAAAA (Harry Potter and Narnia)

I don't do sadness

Yes, it has been a long while since I last wrote a blog.

This has been due to a few things.

Mainly, not having a spare hour to dedicate to thinking and writing, and then the added complication of having diddly squat interesting things to talk about.

This weekend... these things have evidently changed, allowing me to, y'know, talk at you through this blog.

I've had a really lovely two days. It's been one of those weekends (so far) where I have been able to think. It's also been one of those "eye opening" weekends.

Basically, I have found out that I really can't BUY things. I'm such a bad shopper.

I went into Boots today, to buy a drink and some hair product, because I was craving both, not of equal need, but still. Boots was there, I was there, the items were there. I had some LEGAL TENDER to spend, and the time was right. I picked out the only pot of blue hair putty, and some still Vimto (I don't think I could have handled the intense bubbles they somehow pack into the fizzy stuff) and headed to the counter. Now, at this point, please consider I was not empty handed to begin with. I had been to band in the morning, and carried my Clarinet with me into town, as Mum and Dad (who usually pick me up and I am allowed to leave it in the car) were dropping Liz back to Lancs-land with a car full of her living equipment. So yes, I had a Clarinet in one hand, a bag over my shoulder, and a bottle and a pot in the other hand. I then had to negotiate removing my purse from my bag, in the queue. I managed, just. Then I was able to free up a paying hand by handing the items over to the cashier, and then fumbled around for my tender. The woman then struck me. No, not literally, we don't have violent cashiers in Boots here. Well, as far as I'm aware. Ross quit his job. ANYWAY!

The woman said "Do you know these are on two for one?" and shook the pot of blue gloop at me. I was dumbfounded. Words were not escaping my lips. I was still holding my Clarinet. I genuinely didn't know what to do. I looked around, and Rachel wasn't there. Oh, I probably should have mentioned that I wasn't alone in this, Rachel had wandered into Boots with me, she had just left me in the queue to look at make-up, and expected me to, well, you know, be responsible enough to manage a simple situation. It didn't happen.

So, I was faced with a question. I managed to speak an "Oh, right" and then an awkward pause followed. I pulled the "I KNOW I SHOULD BE ANSWERING BUT THIS IS PHYSICALLY DEBILITATING ME " face, and stammered; "I'll just go and have a look then", and winced, producing a sort of smile. The woman then said "I can go and get one for you if you like :)" and I just went "ehakALDAKJF Oh it's ok, I'll go and pick a colour" and proceeded to fetch myself some purple hair spray. That got scanned and I was still carrying my Clarinet and purse. I was then faced with paying for these goods. Whenever I have to pay for anything, I always worry that I don't have enough money. That at some point, I have lost all of the money I have checked to see if I have, and that because I get flustered easily, that I'll mess up paying, and the cashier will be like "Why is this girl paying with a lump of blu-tak and some pills?"

So, I was worrying about money, and I saw the price flash up on the little screen, and it said "£5.61" and I had £5 between my fingertips.

"IT'S NOT ENOUGH" my head screamed, "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!"

Rather coolly, I whipped out a crisp £10 note, and let it be.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT HAZEL?" my head said back to me, "YOU'RE GOING TO BE OVERLOADED WITH CHANGE NOW!"

The reason why I didn't hand over my £5 note and a pound coin in the first place was because I was concerned that I wouldn't have enough money for the bus. Which was silly, because I clearly DID have enough money, I just got all flustered by the woman's question, and my free item and being in Boots and having to find Rachel afterwards, and I still had my Clarinet.

The woman gave me my change and a receipt and then asked me if I wanted a bag. Now, a bag would have been ideal really, but no, I said "I don't need one, thanks" because I'll pollute the environment using a bag. So I grabbed my items, and made sure I had my Clarinet and purse, and headed out of the cashier range to find Rachel. She was waiting for me, and I crouched down to try and ram the items in my handbag, and ended up carrying my bottle of Vimto and my Clarinet, safely, without the aid of a carrier bag.

SUCCESS!

No, I was not allowed to succeed of course, this was me. Since my hands were full, I had to open my bottle with one hand, and the top of the bottle between my arm and chest. I then drank from it with the lid off until I was able to put my Clarinet down and use TWO hands to put the lid back on without sloshing it down myself.

It sounds like an ordeal, and I did just deal with it, but looked really silly whilst doing so.

You can only imagine what it must have looked like. Yes, fairly ordinary, but clumsy nonetheless.

That's pretty much all that happened yesterday, apart from watching Merlin and editing a video.

I'm listening to the soundtrack from Spring Awakening.

It's FANTASTIC.

I went to see it on Friday with one of my best friends Francesca and it was truly amazing. Such talent, and such a stark performance.

Yeah, naked bums.

GIGGLE, but it was hard-hitting.

I'd love to work in theatre, whether acting or helping to produce and direct.

We've all got to have a dream.

I dream of being able to buy things without worrying so much.

Amongst other things.

Maybe I'll save those for another day, when you haven't already been bombarded with a load of weird already floating around in my head.

Tatty bye,

Haze

Enthusiasm vs Melancholy

Currently, I am fighting a battle of wills.

Do I:

1) Write my essay

2) REFRESH TUMBLR ENDLESSLY

3) Give in to listening to all of my showtunes and Glee songs on my Zen, blasting out through the speakers and pretend I'm in an empty theatre, on the stage, singing and having a FANTASTIC TIME

4) Imagine I'm at Leeds festival by listening to Radio 1 and then realising I'm not that sort of person anyway

5) Watch a film, a new one, that I haven't seen (SHERLOCK HOLMES)

6) Sit and play Bubbletown until I finish it (Gahh this is so tempting)

7) Write my personal statement

8) Read my set texts

9) Read Vampirates and other assorted fictions (this is a very LONG list)

10) Shut up and drive?

(last one is a lie, I can't drive. Yet. That's a scary thought, I applied for my provisional licence last week.)

My final option, really, is to sit and feel a little bit melancholy. It's such a wonderful word to use in everyday language, but it makes me think of poor Jacques from As You Like It, and my, he's a troubled but wise soul. My train of thought then chugs off to how much I love studying English, and Shakespeare's plays, and being in theatres and the thrills of performance.

I then arrive at the desolate station of my desk. It is tidy now, but has been rehoused in another area of my bedroom. The lid is down on the piano, and it has become a perfunctory desk. With two, half written essays lying upon it. Oh no, don't think me a sensible member of the education system at all, these are two essays... upon the same title. They just need to be compiled properly. Yes, put together. In other words, written correctly, but I'm finding it hard to put aside my sense of freedom and gay abandon, and actually sit down and write the blasted thing.

I did make a very sturdy start to it, with enlightening sentences and broad insight, but I was just put off by an overpowering sense of... well, melancholy.

I was enjoying a cup of tea, using my fabulous little individual teapot that I got for my birthday, like this one

but it has little cakes covering it, and the sensation of loneliness swept over me. I am often happy in my solitude, and as our family takes their places in their individual dwellings of solace as the days draw on, it becomes interesting to observe, but ever so lonely to be a part of. The funny thing is, I'm a part of it, because I also go off by myself, but we're all apart in the house. Ha, that is funny.

Don't misjudge me, I do often like to be alone, but the sensation of being lonely is not a pleasant one. As I felt this, I found myself drawn to clean my desk, sing along to some music, and break away from my essay. Exchanging a few pleasant words with my Mother as I walked in and out of the kitchen with cleaning fluids reassured me that I am not alone in this world.

The only thing I am ever alone with are my thoughts.

Tatty bye,

Haze

(p.s. If you noticed that the option of "write a blog" was not in my list at the start, well done you. From this, you can take the piece of knowledge away with you that I am not the sort of person who does what she should, when she should. However, this does not mean I am a total rule breaker. All in all, I can produce the goods, but do well at procrastinating along the way.)

McFly

Goodness gracious me.

Now that I consider myself to be back on the blogosphere, I couldn't help myself when the opportunity arose to blog about this band.

I really like them. Yes, they are a manufactured boy-pop band, but I, personally, have really taken to their music. It's got a pleasant balance for me, and the acoustic songs are really well written. They clearly love doing what they do, and I'm all for supporting them.

On another hand OMGTHEY'REBEAUTIFULAPARTFROMTOMFLETCHER'SCHINBUTICANLETTHATSLIDEEVENTHOUGH

HARRYCAN'TREALLYDRUMANDHASAFUNNYFACEDOUGIEISLOVELYBUTGOINGOUTWITHFRANKIE

ANDDANNYISJUSTFANTASTICITHINKHE'SMYFAVOURITEANDTHEYACTUALLYCHANGEDMYLIFE.

Fact here for any of my interested readers:

They did legit. change my life.

I'm not just saying this! Honestly, hear me out.

I am a fangirl, but not an obsessive one. True, if I'm having a bad day, evening, turn of mood, I listen to them, blare out the tunes and scream along, with tears often streaming down my face. On the other hand, I do not have a SHRINE to them. I own all of their music to date, and a few pictures and fliers on my wall, a t-shirt... you know, average fan-stuff. I've never posted stuff on a website or made a video, but I would like to do a proper cover one day... nevermind!

The fact of the matter is, I really like them as a band.

What do people do when they like a band? They try and see them live.

When did the opportunity arise for myself, Liz, my mother and Jen to go and see them?

8th November 2008.

Do you know what I did?

I double booked myself for this night. That's right, the drama mounts.

(Note, I keep pressing enter and making new paragraphs for effect. It's not really working, but it makes me happy to press the enter key.)

I had previously booked the tickets for the Radio:ACTIVE tour, at Newcastle Metro Arena, and I was pretty pumped for that. I then went on an international selection weekend with Guides, and got put forward for North East Selection. I could have gone to Flamboree, or AUSTRALIA.

Alas, I did not. I opted to go to SEE MCFLY.

THEY WERE AMAZING.

I stood on the seats and sang at Danny's face and they were so close to us it was fantastic.

A few evenings before that, I talked to Denise on the phone about International Selection, and how I had tickets for McFly.

She dutifully told me that North East Selection wasn't right for me, and put me onto the Canada trip.

This summer, I toured around Canada with a group of 14 amazing, caring and wonderful Guides from Darlington and Durham South, and I am proud to say I had the time of my life.

All thanks to McFly, and me refusing to go to North East Selection... BUT ALL THANKS TO MCFLY, THEY CHANGED MY LIFE.

FACT.

Point of this blog: I don't think I like their new song. It is destroying me how they have turned all commercial and mainstreamy-pooey-backbeat-autotune-clubbbbbbb-banger-tune.

No complaints about the photos though.

Tatty bye,

Haze

Journeys

This morning, I had an uncomfortable bath. This is mainly because I am:

1) Too long for the bath

2) Too lazy to sit up in the bath

3) TOO LONG FOR THE BATH

I should really learn to just take showers and be done with my fear of falling out of them... again.

Wait, what is this? Are you trying to return to your deserted blog Haze? WITHOUT EVEN APOLOGISING?!?!?! WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?????

Ok, Hello.

I am deeply sorry for not having posted since *checks and winces* MAY! Oh my goodness that pains me. That was before my exams. My, my, I have rather a LOAD of experiences to talk about here. Strap yourselves in folks, and bear in mind that if this takes you half an hour to read, it will have probably taken me 2 and a bit hours to write. I suggest preparing a snack or a cup of tea or a playlist of music such as the new Hoosiers song (Choices) and Everything, Everything -MY KZ UR BF, to listen to as you try and digest all of this. Note, please do NOT eat your computer or device that you are reading this on, that would not be advisable or at all tasty.

First things first, I sat my exams. I had a slight worry and panic after each one of course, just to be like everyone else: united by the fear of failure. As I write this post now, on the 17th of August, I am just two days away from finding out how well, or how badly I have done or disappointed myself. Alas, there's nothing I can do now but wait until I can open the envelope, I can't go back and change what I wrote and those letters are written, not to be changed. I don't like it when people wish people luck for their results, they can't do anything about it now. Having said that, I did say to people last year "Good Luck" before opening their envelopes, purely because I had nothing else to say that was fitting.

Pause for a minute from your reading, I have to actually go and get my diary to remember what I did, it was far too long ago.

Ok, so now that I have my diary, I'm going to just slot in some of the corking little things I have said since my last blog, alongside things that I have seen and done. Please don't worry your little stalker heads if I miss a day or two, that just means that I either did nothing, or nothing noteworthy that day.

Sunday 16th May: "Major Procrastination at your service!"

Wednesday 19th May: Went to see Barberashopera II: The Barber of Shavingham and throughly enjoyed it. They're amazing, google it.

(I have just realised, that if you really want to know what I did, I did actually keep another blog for my lead up to Camp, it's called hazelgoesoutandabout, and there's a link to it on my main profile page, unless you already read it/read it. THAT DOESN'T WORK BECAUSE THE WORD IS THE SAME AS A PAST PARTICIPLE AND A PRESENT PARTICIPLE. Gahhhh)

Thursday 20th May: "The one thing I hate more than people who sniff without even trying to stop it (main perpetrator, Danielle) is MISCOMMUNICATION."

Sunday 23rd May: "Got mighty annoyed by FLIES AND THE LACK OF KINDER SURPRISE EGGS IN BOTH SPARS"

Saturday 29th May: "The Durham Mysteries were pretty darned cool."

(I am currently giggling at reading this, and remembering the day)

Friday 4th June: "What a weird-ass day. I now feel decidedly squiffy! Got up early, did some Bio/Eng, thought about stuff (side-note, WELL DONE HAZEL, VERY INFORMATIVE), ate, had a weird-ass nap, watched The Shawshank Redemption, cried my HEART OUT and felt weird."

I think we have established that that was a... strange, sorry, WEIRD day, have we not?

Wednesday 9th June: "10 hours without Vaseline today... HELL."

Saturday 12th June : "The list goes frickin' on and on... and Nerimon."

Monday 14th June: "Creating HAVOC, BLINDLY. That's the clincher!"

Wednesday 16th June: "Today was too busy, too warm and too embarassing."

Saturday 19th June: "I really like Saturdays and being able to play the piano and red grape juice and glasses and acting and knowing songs and metal pin frames and my life and friends."

Friday 25th June: "Also, screw narcissists."

Sunday 27th June: "England are out of the world cup but I don't care because my legs are smoothy-smooth and I'M GOING TO PARIS TOMORROW WITH MY EPIC BAND OF CHOIR AND ORCHESTRA FRIENDS WHO ARE ALL TOTALLY AWESOME!"

I then wrote in another diary all of my Paris entries, for 5 days.

HERE

Then I got prepared, wound up and more prepared, and went to Canada.

I'm working on a photostory of that all now. I also have about 2 hrs of video footage to sift through and edit.

Wednesday 28th July: "Beautiful Sonya, the c510 (new phone)! HOORAY!"

Wednesday 4th August: "Mum shouted at me and then we went to go and see a hedgehog."

Then I went to London, SitC and had an AWESOME time with beautiful people.

Tuesday 10th August: "Tidied epic amounts with Liz - such a rational tidier- points to Liz."

Wednesday 11th August: "89898998989899"

Thursday 12th August: "I love them ALL silly amounts, YAY FOR AWESOME APPRECIATIVE FRIENDS WHO LIKE READING AND SINGING AND BEING WITH ME (HOPEFULLY)!"

Then we went to Edinburgh as a family and did Fringe events and had a FANTASTIC TIME.

I had a bit of a wobble yesterday evening, but we all have those moments, and we grow from them.

Once again, I'm really sorry for this being horrifically late, and I endeavour to go back to my format of "I've had a day like this and here's a story from today and how it relates to me as an honest person who likes commentating on her own life".

Tatty bye,

Haze

Just a note or two...

Wow! This is my 88th post here! Fabulous!

I'm having these really odd bouts of shakes. I'm not cold, because I'm wearing lots of layers, in a warm room. But I am shaking as if I am cold. Hopefully, it's because I'm SO EXCITED! Not nervous.

It's almost exam time. That means... my first exam is on the 25th May.

Holy.

Moley.

This also means that it's 54 days until I go to Canada!

Now, you lovely honest followers (get it? This blog's about honesty... if you couldn't already tell from the title...) I have something to ask of you. I'm aware that there are now 16 of you! That have signed up so far! WOW! THANKYOU!

There's just one little thing that I'd love for you to do for me...

Could you follow this link please?

HERE THIS ONE, CLICK HERE PLEASE

That is my new blog! I have been selected to possibly be the official blogger for GMC2010 (which is Guiding Mosaic Canada 2010) which I am attenting in 54 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you could click that and COMMENT please then it would be greatly appreciated (I appreciate you Tiny Cooper) because the girl who gets the most comments...

GETS THE ROLE OF THE OFFICIAL BLOGGER!

Plus, if you do that, then I you might be able to keep in touch with me whilst I'm at the camp.

Good deal I think!

So yeah! That's that, and I'm pretty stoked.

I might write about tomorrow if anything good happens... I also might write about it if it wasn't so good, let off some steam as it were.

Apparently I'm due some post some time soon.

HOORAY!

Alas, (earwax) it's time for me to sign off and strum some Ukulele, because it relaxes me, and stops me from SHAKIN'!

Tatty bye,

Haze

So, so, SO Naked.

My teeth...are totally free. Of glue. Of metal. Of Elastics.

Liberated.

I no longer have fixed braces.

I have had them for about 2 years now. I went to Poacher with them on... I met Dan wearing them at camp!

Heck, I met Dom wearing them.

(That sounds like a hit list... it's not.)

My friend Ira who started our Sixth Form in September has NEVER seen me without Braces. I met her wearing them. Weird!

And now my teeth are just...bare.

Ok, so they're not the perfect colour. But they weren't when I got them. I don't have white marks, or brown marks or anything. They're just free. Slightly like, yellow, in colour all over, but they were like that from the start.

It feels so odd! My teeth are free inside my mouth. I mean, heck, I feel more free! And when I ate my tea... food wasn't stuck in my brace! My pesto an cheese on toast was able to be chewed and swallowed neatly, without a third of it being left in my brace for me to enjoy at a later date.

I had my first glass of orange juice in TWO YEARS.

I have a Snickers bar waiting to be eaten. I'll save that for noms watching Glee.

I do feel like a different person. The only thing going now for my nerd chic look are my glasses and clothes. However, my retainer might bump up my cred a little bit more when I get that on Thursday.

Oh yeah, and a bottle of Apple Tango is WAITING FOR ME. LURKING THERE, SAYING "Drink me, you know I taste SO BUBBLY, AND SUGARY AND GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD, RIGHT?!?!"

I've got some English work to do... so I'd better go and do that, right?

Correctomundo.

Oh, that and marvel at the new Spotify layout. LOVELY!

Tatty bye,

Haze