Enthusiasm vs Melancholy

Currently, I am fighting a battle of wills.

Do I:

1) Write my essay

2) REFRESH TUMBLR ENDLESSLY

3) Give in to listening to all of my showtunes and Glee songs on my Zen, blasting out through the speakers and pretend I'm in an empty theatre, on the stage, singing and having a FANTASTIC TIME

4) Imagine I'm at Leeds festival by listening to Radio 1 and then realising I'm not that sort of person anyway

5) Watch a film, a new one, that I haven't seen (SHERLOCK HOLMES)

6) Sit and play Bubbletown until I finish it (Gahh this is so tempting)

7) Write my personal statement

8) Read my set texts

9) Read Vampirates and other assorted fictions (this is a very LONG list)

10) Shut up and drive?

(last one is a lie, I can't drive. Yet. That's a scary thought, I applied for my provisional licence last week.)

My final option, really, is to sit and feel a little bit melancholy. It's such a wonderful word to use in everyday language, but it makes me think of poor Jacques from As You Like It, and my, he's a troubled but wise soul. My train of thought then chugs off to how much I love studying English, and Shakespeare's plays, and being in theatres and the thrills of performance.

I then arrive at the desolate station of my desk. It is tidy now, but has been rehoused in another area of my bedroom. The lid is down on the piano, and it has become a perfunctory desk. With two, half written essays lying upon it. Oh no, don't think me a sensible member of the education system at all, these are two essays... upon the same title. They just need to be compiled properly. Yes, put together. In other words, written correctly, but I'm finding it hard to put aside my sense of freedom and gay abandon, and actually sit down and write the blasted thing.

I did make a very sturdy start to it, with enlightening sentences and broad insight, but I was just put off by an overpowering sense of... well, melancholy.

I was enjoying a cup of tea, using my fabulous little individual teapot that I got for my birthday, like this one

but it has little cakes covering it, and the sensation of loneliness swept over me. I am often happy in my solitude, and as our family takes their places in their individual dwellings of solace as the days draw on, it becomes interesting to observe, but ever so lonely to be a part of. The funny thing is, I'm a part of it, because I also go off by myself, but we're all apart in the house. Ha, that is funny.

Don't misjudge me, I do often like to be alone, but the sensation of being lonely is not a pleasant one. As I felt this, I found myself drawn to clean my desk, sing along to some music, and break away from my essay. Exchanging a few pleasant words with my Mother as I walked in and out of the kitchen with cleaning fluids reassured me that I am not alone in this world.

The only thing I am ever alone with are my thoughts.

Tatty bye,

Haze

(p.s. If you noticed that the option of "write a blog" was not in my list at the start, well done you. From this, you can take the piece of knowledge away with you that I am not the sort of person who does what she should, when she should. However, this does not mean I am a total rule breaker. All in all, I can produce the goods, but do well at procrastinating along the way.)

McFly

Goodness gracious me.

Now that I consider myself to be back on the blogosphere, I couldn't help myself when the opportunity arose to blog about this band.

I really like them. Yes, they are a manufactured boy-pop band, but I, personally, have really taken to their music. It's got a pleasant balance for me, and the acoustic songs are really well written. They clearly love doing what they do, and I'm all for supporting them.

On another hand OMGTHEY'REBEAUTIFULAPARTFROMTOMFLETCHER'SCHINBUTICANLETTHATSLIDEEVENTHOUGH

HARRYCAN'TREALLYDRUMANDHASAFUNNYFACEDOUGIEISLOVELYBUTGOINGOUTWITHFRANKIE

ANDDANNYISJUSTFANTASTICITHINKHE'SMYFAVOURITEANDTHEYACTUALLYCHANGEDMYLIFE.

Fact here for any of my interested readers:

They did legit. change my life.

I'm not just saying this! Honestly, hear me out.

I am a fangirl, but not an obsessive one. True, if I'm having a bad day, evening, turn of mood, I listen to them, blare out the tunes and scream along, with tears often streaming down my face. On the other hand, I do not have a SHRINE to them. I own all of their music to date, and a few pictures and fliers on my wall, a t-shirt... you know, average fan-stuff. I've never posted stuff on a website or made a video, but I would like to do a proper cover one day... nevermind!

The fact of the matter is, I really like them as a band.

What do people do when they like a band? They try and see them live.

When did the opportunity arise for myself, Liz, my mother and Jen to go and see them?

8th November 2008.

Do you know what I did?

I double booked myself for this night. That's right, the drama mounts.

(Note, I keep pressing enter and making new paragraphs for effect. It's not really working, but it makes me happy to press the enter key.)

I had previously booked the tickets for the Radio:ACTIVE tour, at Newcastle Metro Arena, and I was pretty pumped for that. I then went on an international selection weekend with Guides, and got put forward for North East Selection. I could have gone to Flamboree, or AUSTRALIA.

Alas, I did not. I opted to go to SEE MCFLY.

THEY WERE AMAZING.

I stood on the seats and sang at Danny's face and they were so close to us it was fantastic.

A few evenings before that, I talked to Denise on the phone about International Selection, and how I had tickets for McFly.

She dutifully told me that North East Selection wasn't right for me, and put me onto the Canada trip.

This summer, I toured around Canada with a group of 14 amazing, caring and wonderful Guides from Darlington and Durham South, and I am proud to say I had the time of my life.

All thanks to McFly, and me refusing to go to North East Selection... BUT ALL THANKS TO MCFLY, THEY CHANGED MY LIFE.

FACT.

Point of this blog: I don't think I like their new song. It is destroying me how they have turned all commercial and mainstreamy-pooey-backbeat-autotune-clubbbbbbb-banger-tune.

No complaints about the photos though.

Tatty bye,

Haze

Journeys

This morning, I had an uncomfortable bath. This is mainly because I am:

1) Too long for the bath

2) Too lazy to sit up in the bath

3) TOO LONG FOR THE BATH

I should really learn to just take showers and be done with my fear of falling out of them... again.

Wait, what is this? Are you trying to return to your deserted blog Haze? WITHOUT EVEN APOLOGISING?!?!?! WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?????

Ok, Hello.

I am deeply sorry for not having posted since *checks and winces* MAY! Oh my goodness that pains me. That was before my exams. My, my, I have rather a LOAD of experiences to talk about here. Strap yourselves in folks, and bear in mind that if this takes you half an hour to read, it will have probably taken me 2 and a bit hours to write. I suggest preparing a snack or a cup of tea or a playlist of music such as the new Hoosiers song (Choices) and Everything, Everything -MY KZ UR BF, to listen to as you try and digest all of this. Note, please do NOT eat your computer or device that you are reading this on, that would not be advisable or at all tasty.

First things first, I sat my exams. I had a slight worry and panic after each one of course, just to be like everyone else: united by the fear of failure. As I write this post now, on the 17th of August, I am just two days away from finding out how well, or how badly I have done or disappointed myself. Alas, there's nothing I can do now but wait until I can open the envelope, I can't go back and change what I wrote and those letters are written, not to be changed. I don't like it when people wish people luck for their results, they can't do anything about it now. Having said that, I did say to people last year "Good Luck" before opening their envelopes, purely because I had nothing else to say that was fitting.

Pause for a minute from your reading, I have to actually go and get my diary to remember what I did, it was far too long ago.

Ok, so now that I have my diary, I'm going to just slot in some of the corking little things I have said since my last blog, alongside things that I have seen and done. Please don't worry your little stalker heads if I miss a day or two, that just means that I either did nothing, or nothing noteworthy that day.

Sunday 16th May: "Major Procrastination at your service!"

Wednesday 19th May: Went to see Barberashopera II: The Barber of Shavingham and throughly enjoyed it. They're amazing, google it.

(I have just realised, that if you really want to know what I did, I did actually keep another blog for my lead up to Camp, it's called hazelgoesoutandabout, and there's a link to it on my main profile page, unless you already read it/read it. THAT DOESN'T WORK BECAUSE THE WORD IS THE SAME AS A PAST PARTICIPLE AND A PRESENT PARTICIPLE. Gahhhh)

Thursday 20th May: "The one thing I hate more than people who sniff without even trying to stop it (main perpetrator, Danielle) is MISCOMMUNICATION."

Sunday 23rd May: "Got mighty annoyed by FLIES AND THE LACK OF KINDER SURPRISE EGGS IN BOTH SPARS"

Saturday 29th May: "The Durham Mysteries were pretty darned cool."

(I am currently giggling at reading this, and remembering the day)

Friday 4th June: "What a weird-ass day. I now feel decidedly squiffy! Got up early, did some Bio/Eng, thought about stuff (side-note, WELL DONE HAZEL, VERY INFORMATIVE), ate, had a weird-ass nap, watched The Shawshank Redemption, cried my HEART OUT and felt weird."

I think we have established that that was a... strange, sorry, WEIRD day, have we not?

Wednesday 9th June: "10 hours without Vaseline today... HELL."

Saturday 12th June : "The list goes frickin' on and on... and Nerimon."

Monday 14th June: "Creating HAVOC, BLINDLY. That's the clincher!"

Wednesday 16th June: "Today was too busy, too warm and too embarassing."

Saturday 19th June: "I really like Saturdays and being able to play the piano and red grape juice and glasses and acting and knowing songs and metal pin frames and my life and friends."

Friday 25th June: "Also, screw narcissists."

Sunday 27th June: "England are out of the world cup but I don't care because my legs are smoothy-smooth and I'M GOING TO PARIS TOMORROW WITH MY EPIC BAND OF CHOIR AND ORCHESTRA FRIENDS WHO ARE ALL TOTALLY AWESOME!"

I then wrote in another diary all of my Paris entries, for 5 days.

HERE

Then I got prepared, wound up and more prepared, and went to Canada.

I'm working on a photostory of that all now. I also have about 2 hrs of video footage to sift through and edit.

Wednesday 28th July: "Beautiful Sonya, the c510 (new phone)! HOORAY!"

Wednesday 4th August: "Mum shouted at me and then we went to go and see a hedgehog."

Then I went to London, SitC and had an AWESOME time with beautiful people.

Tuesday 10th August: "Tidied epic amounts with Liz - such a rational tidier- points to Liz."

Wednesday 11th August: "89898998989899"

Thursday 12th August: "I love them ALL silly amounts, YAY FOR AWESOME APPRECIATIVE FRIENDS WHO LIKE READING AND SINGING AND BEING WITH ME (HOPEFULLY)!"

Then we went to Edinburgh as a family and did Fringe events and had a FANTASTIC TIME.

I had a bit of a wobble yesterday evening, but we all have those moments, and we grow from them.

Once again, I'm really sorry for this being horrifically late, and I endeavour to go back to my format of "I've had a day like this and here's a story from today and how it relates to me as an honest person who likes commentating on her own life".

Tatty bye,

Haze